When Amy and I started a family sixteen years ago, we didn’t imagine at the time that one of the biggest parenting battles would be screens.
When my eldest turned ten I was excited to surprise him with a Playstation, but within weeks I was wondering if what I’d done was such a wise idea after all. Five years later, it still needs constant monitoring. Honestly it can feel relentless at times.
‘Get off your phone’ and ‘turn off the playstation’ are phrases I hear myself saying almost daily.
Over the years, we’ve tried everything from blockers and phone cages to mealtime presentations about the dangers of screen addiction. Some things have helped more than others. We’ve settled on a few important boundaries — no phones in bedrooms overnight, a weekly “digital Sabbath” — but one idea has had a surprisingly positive effect on our kids - a little something we call “May Madness”.
Every May, our kids take a month-long break from gaming consoles and heavily reduced phone use (sometimes even TV). Instead, they fill the time with outdoor play, reading, hobbies, seeing friends, or trying something new. I like to call it ‘pretending it’s the 1990s’!
In a dark and dismal winter, I recognise it’s not always easy for kids to see their friends. Consoles are a great way of being together online. Once spring hits, however, I’m keen for them to break old habits and make the most of their youth. Parents today are competing with billion-pound companies and algorithms specifically designed to keep our children hooked. It’s important we think creatively and work hard to regain control.
To make the challenge fun, we created a simple points system. They earn 5 credits for 30 minutes outdoors and 3 for reading or practising an instrument. At the end of each week, they spend their credits on rewards they actually want.
What they can exchange their points for has changed over the years as they’ve grown up but we always aim to make sure that there’s enough stuff they’d want to make it worth their while. This year, with two of my sons now in their teens, we’ve put a £10 Vinted token in the shop for the first time (250pts).
Admittedly ‘May Madness’ has started to lose its appeal for my fifteen year old, but my thirteen year old has never been so helpful around the house. He volunteers to take the dog out (5pts) and is happy to do chores (3pts) whenever we ask.
It costs us a bit each year — especially the year I accidentally made the top prizes far too easy to earn — but it’s been worth it. When the month ends I often get them to reflect on their experiences. Sometimes they’ve admitted that it’s been hard, but at other times they’ve seen for themselves just how destructive screen addiction can be.
For Amy and I we’ve noticed that the home is a happier place, that we argue less and the kids use their imaginations more. In the ongoing parental battle against screens why not try something similar with your teens?
Short-term fun challenges that the kids themselves feel invested in are often more achievable than restrictive long-term rules. It doesn’t need to be May Madness, it could be ‘No Phone Feb’ or ‘No Screen Summer’. It doesn’t even need to alliterate. The point is simply to create intentional breaks from screens — and give your teenagers the chance to rediscover life beyond them.